Friday, December 16, 2005

Then They Went Home

I'm going back to the States tomorrow morning, Mamang.
I would have wanted to stay but I cannot.
I would have wanted to dance with you everday but my work in Connecticut forbids me to do so.
This vacation should have been more than one week.
Please do not cry quietly. It will break my heart all the more. But I see your old eyes moisten as I prepare my maleta and pasalubongs.

I have a life and a husband in Jersey.
I have always wanted to bring you there but you opted to stay here with papang. He's been gone a long time now and my heart bleeds for you as I imagine how lonely it has become since.
You have grown thinner the last time I saw you. Smaller perhaps? Your eyes are that of an aged but wise woman.
I feel bad when you reminisce your childhood and oftentimes are forgetful of things.

I myself are pained as I see you live to the end of your days, Mamang. Though you are strong still, I know that the end will inevitably be in sight, not tomorrow but, it will come.

There are great pangs as I leave you. I cannot tell if this might be the last. The twilight is here but the continents keep us apart.

I am leaving you now. With Manang who will go home with me. Ading and her little aktibista will bring me to the airport. I wish I can hug and dance and make you laugh forever Mamang but I cannot. You are awake with your old sister, your oldest best friend, at an hour when old people should be sleeping humbly in their beds - to send us off and bid your kids goodbye. I see your eyes moisten again Mamang. As i hug you now, should this end so soon like a bittersweet dream? It should. My life is waiting again at the other side of the world. But my eyes are moistening too and I hate to leave you behind.

I will come back soon. But I hope it will not be that late.
I would still love to dance your Ilocano songs and make you laugh and make you remember the best of our lives.

I will miss you again, Mamang. Cry not now, and sleep tight.
Your kids will be fine, I know you will be too.
Don't let the droopy eyes ease your spirit out.

sapol mga brods mo sa abroad nito bok.
ayus to brod! pwede!
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